It's settled to be a lie then.

April Fool's for the art style inspiration, but something my friend said about me inspired the drawing as a whole.

"...but you don't want something for yourself, it's like an imploding star, beautiful, but not alive." -Orange

I'm not sure if I quite grasp what she was trying to tell me, but an imploding star is indeed a very pretty sight, however it's supposed to be a dying star, correct? (I don't know, I'm no Science major. /o/;;) It's not that I don't want anything, I wouldn't be human if I didn't have wants and needs for myself. I do want many things. Materialistic and things I can't grasp physically. I want money, I want love, I want to make people happy, I want people to make ME happy, I want a laptop, heck, I want a boyfriend. o__o)b+ However, I think she was referring more to one of my posts about wanting my mom to have been proud of me. A not so physical "want." WHICH, lead me to think, what I want most is love. It's a beautiful thing, that I can't grasp. It's like a star. Beautiful, but unattainable to the touch. My parents' marriage was like a star. No matter how hard I'd wish, no matter how I'd try to hope for the best, no matter how hard I'd try to reach for it, it ended up just fading, leading to their divorce. I couldn't stop it even if I wanted to. I can't MAKE two people fall in love all over again. I'm not too sure I'd want them to anyways, even if it meant I'd disappear. I don't want my dad to go through 20 years which such a horrible woman. She's beautiful, but her personality can't be hidden with foundation and anti-aging cream applied every day for the rest of her life. I knew my dad loved her a lot though.

I have very selfish wants as well. I don't want to say it, because I want one thing, but it can't happen if another thing doesn't happen first, and I don't want that thing to happen. It's the most selfish want I've probably had in my entire life. It's sad though. I will also never attain this want. It's another star in my life I shall never be able to grasp in my hand, but like all things I want that I can't have, it will eventually disappear from me. I love him, I want him, but he will never love me back and I will never have him. He is the star in the night sky that shines brightest for me. Cheesy, I know. I wish my life would play out like a shoujo manga with a happy ending waiting for me with him, but, reality is not so kind.

I drew a hair bun on this girl because I wanted to somehow tribute a particular friend of mine who adores hair buns. She was there for me when I needed her, and I always hope to be there for her when SHE needs me.
[2011/10/04 23:53 ] | Category: None | Comments(0) | Trackbacks(0) | page top
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