In a bird cage.
I am a person who almost never says what she thinks or feels in fear of hurting or getting hurt from others. It is not that I lie. I just don't say what I'm thinking or feel because I think I always misunderstand or it's just that I'm a horrible liar. I want to be happy for him. I really, truly do, but I don't think I can watch another train wreck happen. If it happens again, I won't shed any more tears. I empathize, I sympathize, but I am selfish and have my own wants too. I pray that Berry will be happy with Grapefruit. This is my time to let go. I think this idiot in love should not hope or wish for the impossible any longer. But I love him. Even if this is one-sided, I honestly, truly, love him with all my heart. I just wish it wasn't him. Of all the millions of guys out there, I get my heart broken by this sweet, amazing guy. If it was a jerk who did it, maybe it would hurt so much less. I wish I could solve this like how I usually did with all the other "crushes" I had. Funny. I'd see them everyday in school, but I'd never linger on after they rejected me once. Yet this one boy, online, I don't see him every day, but I feel like we "meet" every day, has this hold on me. Will I wait forever? I don't know how to let go. I lost though. In every way possible. I said I'd be ok as long as he's happy, but how long is his happiness guaranteed this time? I shouldn't do this and doubt them. I should be a good friend, right? I don't know anymore.

On the other hand, regarding me as a person who never says what she's thinking or feeling, I don't tell my parents a lot about myself. I feel as if they'd find me too naive or ungrateful. I don't know what to say right now. My mom is constantly trapping me, giving me a choice, but that choice isn't really much of a choice. They both expect me to not have a say in the matter and when they say I do, I have to say what they want me to say, not what I want to say. I just never fight for what I want I suppose.

Good bye, I loved you, and I will always still love you. So what was the past tense for?
I can't honestly say all this to you, now, can I, Berry?
[2011/10/20 02:14 ] | Category: None | Comments(0) | Trackbacks(0) | page top
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