I got called "ugly."
Not with the exact word, "ugly," but I got called a "fatass."

To be honest, I hadn't cared too much about how I looked for a while now since no one makes fun of me anymore. At least, that's what I had thought. I was really used to it back in my old high school because guys always made fun of me then. When I moved, I was almost invisible, which I didn't mind too much, better than being made fun of, in my opinion. And then, I kind of forgot and lived my life happily ignorant to the fact that I AM fat and ugly, until today. It came back to me on the bus when I lost balance and fell a couple of times. These high school boys were laughing at me and thought I couldn't hear them with my headphones on. At first I ignored it, until I really fell and one of them said "Hey, let's count how many times the fatass falls before her stop." I was about to cry so I got off the next stop that came up. I haven't felt so ugly in a long time. I know I'm not pretty and I've accepted that if I can't be pretty and thin, I might as well still be a good person to compensate, right? But, y'know. When it all comes down to it, I wanna play the part of the princess too. I want to be treated like a girl too, y'know? Why does it seem like guys forget that? I understand that I don't show how much it hurts when guys make fun of me and I just glare them off, but inside, I'm crying and breaking. I know it's a lot to ask, but can't a guy like me for my personality as well? I'm not very pretty. I'm at best a bit below average and I AM a fattie, but you know, I'm nice. I'm sincere. Isn't that enough? Can't that be enough? I'm so tired of being made fun of by guys. I'm so tired of having my feelings hurt by guys who thinks just because I'm fat and ugly, they can hurt me as they wish, because apparently, being fat and ugly means I have no feelings. I cry just as easily as the next girl, if not even easier. I may glare and walk away, but that's because I'm walking away to go cry somewhere. I know I should stand up for myself, but what do I say back? They obviously don't care about what I have to say if they can do this so freely.

Worst part is, I broke down in front of Berry again.
He has his burdens to carry, so why am I bothering him like this?

I hate feeling like this.
I try so hard to be happy and smile, so why is it so easy to make me cry?
For once, I wanna play the part of the "princess" as well.
[2011/12/15 22:53 ] | Category: None | Comments(0) | Trackbacks(0) | page top
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