Just this is enough?
Maybe if by the end of this year, I still like him, I'll confess again and end this.
Maybe. Probably not.

I feel "guilty" for being the same. I don't want to like him if it'd bring him trouble. I don't want that at all. I just feel like it's unfair to have this problem. I'd probably be another case. I don't know what to do. I want to tell him. I want him to understand. I don't want this make-believe fairytale to come to end. Even this fairytale that is already not real, is made up. I know it. I know that I will never be the princess in this story, only the "Pierrot" and nothing more. I honestly know that this is all I'll ever be. I just don't want that, but I choose to accept it because it is perhaps what he wants? I don't know. What is it you wish? I don't want to like you so much if it in the end causes you trouble, but I'm telling myself it is okay as long as you don't find out again or if Grapefruit finds out. Honestly though, if you found out, you wouldn't be shocked in the least. You're used to it, which scares me. Will we one day awkwardly walk away from each other too? I don't want that. I don't want this to end. At the same time, I'm begging to be thrown off this ride, because I don't want to cause you pain if I leave you suddenly. I want you to forever be happy. Smile. Laugh. Love. Be happy. You deserve it. If I can make you laugh, I'll do my job properly for now. If this continues on for another year, I don't know what I'd do.
[2012/01/03 02:18 ] | Category: None | Comments(0) | Trackbacks(0) | page top
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